Well, for the 3 or 4 of you that read this, i hope you've had en enjoyable Xmas.
Last one was an interesting evening. I was feeling quite down, and thought i'd try something i hadn't in quite awhile. For those of you who know about Binural beats/audio, you know the various things/products that exist in that vain. There is allot of sceptisism and rightfully so, but also you have to know that if you avoid all the nonsense on the internet and just try it properly, that for the most part is can work.
Now i've tried various ones with various results, and usually only when i've done it properly and had no expectations has it worked. Last night i tried one which helps to give lucid dreams. Now, i wasn't expecting much, especially since you're supposed to sleep right after it, and i'm something of an insomniac, but interestingly enough, the "dose" kicked in quite well... at some point during it i actually fell asleep (Which is a miracle since as an audio engineer, listening to frequencies and noise, i can never fall asleep if that's going on around me) towards the end of it.
I woke up and saw that it had finished, and was startled. Anways i fell asleep again (also something of a mircale since once i awaken i can never fall asleep again), and had some very interesting dreams... and not only do i remember them in detail, but they were Semi-lucid... as in i was seeing them from my own perspective, as opposed to seeing myself in the 3rd person... and was fairly aware and slightly in control of what was going on... if i had not been interrupted (fucking uncle switched on the lights...) i believe they would have turned into a fully lucid dream perhaps.
I had contemplated doing something far more poweful and dodgy, but i talked myself out of it, since i haven't used the binaural stuff in awhile and didn't fancy giving myself an anxiety attack. Especially since i'd been reading up on the forums about them before using it. It was ironic to see all the stuff i read happen when i took it.. Proof that the mind really does create what we want it to. But i relaxed during the dose, and aside from some REM eye flickering, some interesting visual stuff, i enjoyed the experience. At times it felt like i was sinking, and i could feel my subconcious mind opening, relaxing, making me feel more "Connected"... was the best i'd felt in awhile actually.
My reasons for doing this was purely because this time of year is not a good period for me. Aside from Xmas being a family holiday, and in all reality.. i don't have much of a family, never really did in the normal sense of the word, It's reminder of how things were, and how they are now.
I don't really like to talk about it that much, and have no intention of changing that habit... hence me babbling on about the Binaural stuff like a salesman. Around now till Mid January i'll be in something of a "Funk"... and best thing to do is just keep out of my way so to speak... not that there seems to be anyone in my way.
It's strange.. This Xmas i have realised that in all reality, i really don't have anyone in my life in terms of friends or relations... I mean i have people i know and get along with quite well.. but for the last 9 or so days i've mostly been alone and indoors, whilst most are out amongst friends and loved ones. Weirder still... is that i've slowly become accustomed to that way of living... Heck, it took Xmas to come along for me to REALLY notice how bad i'd gotten.
The problem is breaking that.. Reclusive nature is something which grows on you, and being around people and going out actually becomes an uncomfortable experience... To the point where people are asking you out all the time and you're making excuses for not going out.. when in all reality all you do is sit at home...
I'd be lying if i said i'm going to work on breaking the habit... I'm more interested right now on focusing on my playing and music... Hopefully i'll have the new album out sometime early next year (i'm gunning for around April perhaps..).
Now, i'll leave you all to your parties and social status... Have a fun & Safe New Years Eve.
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